weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Someone came in the potted fern
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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