Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
