You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Who did Billy Mays play for?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk is not a location!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
