its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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