I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
