our cab driver is having phone sex.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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