Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
