Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Girls should come with a carfax report
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Found the puke drawer
When did we convert life to cartoon?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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