Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
