Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
