Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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