I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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