...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
