remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
