okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
