I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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