Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
