she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
