My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
