So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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