just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
