Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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