Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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