From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
