I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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