Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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