i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
