just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
