Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
