Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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