I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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