I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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