I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
