I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think your dad took our porno
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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