OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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