Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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