I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
me + whiskey = a bad person
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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