Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
