Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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