I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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