if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
