North Korea, Best Korea!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
