We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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