the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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