Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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