P.S. I can't hear my feet
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
