Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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