And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
