One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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