I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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