So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
