high people should be assigned attendants
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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