Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
