do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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