Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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