I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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