i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
