No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
