Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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