im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
