Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
