2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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