Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
