well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
