Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
