Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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