I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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